The Invisible Grip of Gender: A Look at Violations of Children's Rights

One of the most widespread forms of discrimination that children are exposed to is gender-based discrimination. 

Gender acts as a filter that shapes almost everything from the very first moment of life to the last, from celebrations to names, from games to colors, from books to emotions, from professions to resources. The way a birthday is celebrated, the names given to children, the colors used for gender, books, emotions, games, toys, and clothes—all of these things are filtered through gendered lenses. Naturally, this leaves deep marks on the lives and development of children. After all, childhood is the most critical period in which a person's identity, relationships, and sense of meaning with the world are shaped.

Gender-based inequalities confront us in every area of life from a very young age. Therefore, every child is affected by these inequalities, either directly or indirectly. To give just a few simple examples:

• Boys are prevented from crying.
• Children’s clothes, games, toys, and books are separated according to gender.
• “Appropriate” careers for girls and boys are determined in advance.
• Boys are associated with violence, competition, and power, such as guns, wars, fights, and cars. Girls, on the other hand, are identified with compliance, caregiving, and domestic roles such as cooking and baking.

This cycle of life, which starts with and is constantly reinforced by such distinctions, limits the rights and opportunities accessible to girls and boys, as well as the spaces, professions, autonomy, and capabilities of women and men.

How do gender roles shape emotions?

The roles, boundaries, and expectations offered or imposed on children from childhood determine their capacities, potentials, and opportunities. Therefore, these roles and expectations send girls the message that being “fragile,” “docile,” or “nurturing” is valuable, while teaching boys that being “strong,” “rational,” and “emotionally reserved” is to be valued. These patterns shape not only children’s behaviors but also their relationship with their own emotions.

A concept: Emotional literacy

Emotional literacy—the ability to recognize, name, express one's own emotions, and understand the emotions of others—is the foundation of both self-awareness and the capacity for empathy, communication, and self-regulation. Yet our relationship with our emotional world is certainly not independent of gender norms.

It can be said that girls are generally given more space to express their emotions; crying, feeling sad, being afraid, or being happy are emotions considered acceptable for girls. However, this permission is often limited only to “compliant” emotions like hurt, gentleness, or compassion. Anger, setting boundaries, or saying “no” are considered “unbecoming” for girls. Thus, while girls' emotional literacy develops in the line of empathy, their skills in self-defense and boundary-setting are blunted. 

Boys, on the other hand, are often discouraged from showing emotions; crying, being afraid, or feeling hurt is deemed a “weakness.” Courage, anger, and competition are glorified. This restricts boys' emotional awareness and reinforces a tendency to suppress their feelings or express them through violence.

As a result, both girls and boys get trapped in the narrow emotional range drawn by gender norms. Yet, an approach that supports emotional literacy teaches children that all feelings are valid, understandable, and expressible. 

A tool for learning: games

Play is not just a form of entertainment or pastime in childhood; it is a tool for learning, self-expression, making sense of the world, and developing skills. Through play, children develop physical, cognitive, emotional, and social skills; they gain basic life skills such as problem-solving, cooperation, empathy, setting boundaries, and sharing. The toys and game themes offered to children also determine which skills they will develop. And of course, these are not independent of gender norms.

Girls are generally steered toward games themed around caregiving, order, aesthetics, or emotional expression: dolls, kitchen sets, house play... While these games strengthen empathy and responsibility, they may limit the development of skills like decision-making or taking risks.

Boys are associated with games focused on competition, speed, strength, or technology: cars, guns, war games, construction sets... While these games support strategy development and self-confidence, they may weaken emotional expression and cooperation skills.

Thus, play spaces become not only areas of fun for children but also the first stage for gender roles. Through play, children learn what it means to be a “girl” or a “boy.” For this reason, play can be both a liberating and a stereotyping force.

How does gender determine career choice and access to resources?

Gender not only determines and shapes who individuals are but also who they can become. The explicit or implicit messages given in childhood create powerful guidance about which professions will be considered “appropriate” in the future. This guidance determines not only personal preferences but also the opportunities one can access throughout life.

From a very young age, girls are oriented towards roles that require care, conformity, aesthetics, and emotional labor. Boys are encouraged toward fields associated with power, production, and technology. This seemingly “natural” distinction forms a foundation of inequality that limits access to economic, social, and cultural capital from the start.

Professions associated with care work—such as teaching, nursing, childcare, and social work—are indispensable for the functioning of society, but usually offer low pay, low status, and limited decision-making power. In contrast, male-dominated fields like engineering, IT, finance, or politics provide access to higher income, prestige, and resources. Therefore, through career guidance in childhood, gender also shapes the right to access resources. In other words, when children are told “this is your job,” it is also implied “these are your rights, your voice, and your economic power.” This doesn’t just create individual inequality of opportunity; it also perpetuates gender inequality across generations. 

What should we pay attention to for an egalitarian approach?

An egalitarian approach is not only about offering the same opportunities to girls and boys, but also about recognizing their different needs, experiences, and subjectivities. It requires a perspective that questions gender norms and sees children’s potential as independent of labels.

So, what can you do for this?

• You can transform language, making the emotional and intellectual impact of stereotypical expressions directed at girls and boys—such as “don’t cry like a boy” or “don’t act like a girl”—visible by recognizing them.
• You can diversify play spaces and learning environments. You can create room for games in which children can experience different skills, ones that foster cooperation and imagination rather than competition; you can ensure that toys, books, and activities are selected in a gender-neutral way.
• You can support emotional diversity. You can make room for girls’ anger and for boys’ vulnerability; you can give every child the right to express their feelings.
• You can broaden role models, show children different lifestyles and occupations that transcend gender roles, and help them dream and expand their horizons.
• You can work to ensure equality of access and representation, identify and strive to transform structural barriers so that girls and boys can participate equally in education, decision-making, and public life.
• You can free the child from being an object that needs to be shaped, trust in children’s potential and power, and make space for their participation.

In conclusion;

Gender inequality, as an ideology that extends to every aspect of life rather than being limited to visible violations, directly affects children’s existence, imagination, and potential. Trapping children in these narrow stereotypes means restricting their access to resources and to life itself. Accompanying children on their journey to determine their own destinies and truly standing in solidarity with them requires fighting against all manifestations of inequality in life. 

We must recognize that this struggle, as adults who are also exposed to gender inequality, is one that we must pursue together with children, for both ourselves and for them.